river of eros

my only directive is to sit softly in the seat carved for me from the white stone of heavens cloudy ground and hold my head up and my eyes open and clear as the world crystallizes around me.  an exploration of total responsiveness.  as the blacktop dimension buckles under its own weight and the ripples of an expanding space-time communion show where the level of manipulation had smoothed the ground, i rest in the grace of groundlessness, with no attachments, responsibilities, or directives other than to exist within the field as it exists and answer the call that calls my name.

my name keeps changing, but i know what it feels like when i hear it.

i have nothing to lose.  all that i have has been freely given, shall move through me on its own journey, and shall arise again later as a new form of the same nourishment, and even perhaps as something new altogether.  i have nothing to gain.  all that rises to my touch will fall away again, for i am the field in which all things do this, arise and fall away.  i have only balance, and that is not a thing, it is a life in which i rest my center, contemplating the extension of the field in all directions around me.  to receive, open the hands, palms up.  to offer, open the hands, palms down.  to go inward, turn the hands over onto the knees and close the eyes.  no more, no less, than this.  here is the expression of free-will in harmony.

in these moments, anyway.  a long night of play, ceremony, dance, beings, smoke and sensual promise has brought me to this magnanimous balance, a grace into which i gratefully sink, sipping another glass of coffee, listening to alpha-theta brainwave music to lift this languid energetic from my senses without dispelling it.  no rush to action, i relish the respite from go-do.  not that i have much of that in the first place, but when it's there, it's really there.  i like when it goes and i'm again in this place.  my first name was toby.  to be.  that's all i'm here for, and that's quite a lot.  soft in creation and light in the moment.  all things becoming what they should be in this soft summer place.  the deer creek cleansed me with mountain snow this morning, bringing the dispersed facets of my energetic body back into the same time co-ordinate together.  here we dance still, summer heat gathering over the valley as the hours of linear time roll away into the hills, a strange and elusive creature whose breath i always feel on my back, but whose teeth never sink into my skin.  i don't meyend the presence.  that's erotic, too.  i like erotic.  it's all vision for me.  the water calls me still, and yet there is land that beckons me, "come, rest, worship here.  eros, eros... come to me, to dance, to be..."

yes, beloved.  i'm coming.

but yes, ground, ground.  i am looking for something still.    a hat to keep the sun off my eyes as i work the fields.  fields to work.  bodies to work.  musicians to make love songs with.  immersion, cohesion, the depth of the depths of experience, the radical opalescent brilliance of actual mystical experience as a way of being, and not a moment in passing.  yeeeeesssss, the serpent that crawls into the crystal cave, tail shimmering and the sound of its passage a kind of deep-throated hissing that permeates the pineal from within and expands it beyond the bounds of being into full expression.  that's where i'm at, that's what i want and that's what i'm looking to create.  enough of this solid-world, flat colors, harsh sounds bullshit.  whose idea was the siren, anyway?  we're going back to the council ground and laying the map out again.  we went the wrong way.  

i want eros in creation.  i want passionate madness and pearlescent grace.  

searching, searching...  how did i get into this reality in the first place?  how did i become 3-d, human, gravity bound, physical?  i don't mind, but the veils need to be spread apart now, without medicine and in less than an hour of meditation.  working, working...  that's the goal.  i've seen it, touched it, suckled it, and i'm going to live there.  everything else is child's play.  we are not only children.  i am eternal, the aeon.  i am the beauty of creation, and i am resplendent with universal nectar.

drink deep from the spring of my body and swim in the spring of eternal life.  i am the rowan angel, the immortalitree.  make a tincture of my sap and dance within my skin for the blessing to unlock your own immortality.

yes, i'm serious.  what are you afraid of? 

was there a track there?  perhaps i came off from it.

we'll see.

there are three things i'm set to accomplish.  i need to see wolves in the wild, i need to make love with a ferocious angel, and i need to perform ritual dance and song for ten thousand people.

so mote it be.