poly} many
amor} love
to love many.
love is care. time. presence. energy. sex is an endeavor into deepening love. they are connected, but not inseperable. to fully embrace the magnitude of sexual union, to fully honor it's magnitude, one must be first and foremost in the essence of love. if not, what flows through the sexual union is the corruption of the love principle as it resides in the respective partners and their kinnection, instead of the perfection of the principle. which is all right, if everyone's down to be present with each other to work out their own parts and their inter-related parts.
what i find for myself and for the people of my own experience, is that the degree of vulnerability inherent in that way of communion is challenging for all parties in different ways. what i see, generally, is that women have a more difficult time with the emotional process that gets instigated for them with the introduction of other lovers into the kinnexion, but they are able to work with their difficulties and be communicative. men seem to have their emotional difficulties as well, but have a very hard time communicating about it.
my previous lover ran out of energy for being present with my emotional process and bowed out of the kinnexion. the lover before that had never explored polyamory before being with me, so he went and explored and decided that that took too much energy (he's naturally monogamous). before that i had two lovers who could neither deal with, nor articulate their inability to deal with, the whole scenario. very difficult. not fun. messy.
so i contemplate, as i relearn the topography of my inner sanctum, what is it that hurts us in these processes? of course people are attracted to many people at once, because people are so dynamic, and there are so many ways to engage the human experience. that, in and of itself is not hurtful. where the hurt comes from in the inter-relation is the respect with which we hold each other on the journey.
my desire to be "the special one" is my danger zone. that's only mine to be accountable for and to work out within me. relationship triggers that, either supporting and empowering it or challenging it. it's a bit of my personal work at this time to dismantle the mechanisms of that element, and it's not easy because i am special and i am perceived that way and celebrated. but it's got to be kept in balance. my work.
my desire to be in a kinnexion of mutual respect is natural and reasonable. that's what i offer to my invitees and only if that invitation is there will i engage with someone. not to say that i am in complete integrity (indeed, i have to own that i certainly am not), but i am always available for communion with the people that i have invited into my field. especially if i have invited them into my body. when someone comes into my body, they are entering my event horizon, the field of me as an aspect of creation, and they are imprinting themselves into my signature, and therefore my whole experience. that's a big deal. i expect for that to be respected with continual presence and care. and if that presence or care falters or disappears, i go kali. i don't have any patience for that shit.
and that's where my hurt comes from.
so the respect is the issue. the roots, always go down to the roots. whatever arises on the surface and causes response has roots so much more deep as to be nigh unfathomable. i say nigh because in the presence of silence, stillness and introspection, all things are fathomable. however, i also believe that we can only see as much as we can process in a moment - what would we do but short out if otherwise? self-awareness can be... uncomfortable. HA! the best kind of discomfort, it allows one the opportunity to clarify their incarnation and have the best experience possible. shit, what's more worth it than that? in all of living, hold the gifts bestowed upon you with the utmost tenderness and attention, especially if you have asked for them.
then i have to expand the meme beyond the concept of the lovers bond. if i am polyamorous, and i am a world bridging, world crafting, integral part of this whole experience of reality unfolding, do i not have, in that memetic field, the opportunity to love all of creation with that same degree of magnitude?
yes. yes i do. and that's a hell of an opportunity.
so i bring animals into my field of polyamory and vow to them to do my part to end their holocaust. more than a billion animals are tortured and slaughtered every day for food, clothing and various other purposes. not only in other countries, plenty of it is here. if you bought it at a restaurant, that's what happened. if it says "organic" on the package, that's still what happened. don't let that organic shit fool you - the FDA owns the word and it doesn't mean anything anymore. seriously - you can use 90% of the available pesticides and other chemicals available for farming and raising animals for slaughter under the auspices of the term "organic". and codex, the international food safety codification system that essentially declares any food that's not GMO and pesticided to be unsafe for human consumption, isn't even in place yet (check out healthfreedom.org to learn about codex. it's an important thing to know about).
if you're not raising, hunting or fishing yourself, don't eat it. you didn't earn it, you don't deserve it, and somebody who is sensitive and defenseless was tortured for it. blessing your food doesn't alleviate the suffering of how it got to your table. you know that. let's all get real. imagine if the slaughterhouse reality were happening with people inside of them instead of animals - people would be signing petitions, attending rallies, raising cain all over the world. but we subject our animal kin to the most heinous torture imaginable because... we like ice cream? not acceptable. i scold myself along with all of us because we all know better.
so i declare myself the great lover of all the animals of the world and dedicate myself to their liberation. through word, deed, act, diet and conversession, i will serve them with my polyamory. because they are the many whom i love.
along with all of us. so how do i best serve, through expansive, explosive love, my human community?
first, through dedication to my own integrity. by dedicating to the emergence of the absolutely clear incarnation of my soul essence, i am deeply serving the world from the core of my being. everything that comes into contact with me can touch into the integral space within itself and rise to that occasion. not because i am a leader or a teacher, but because every healthy cell in the body holds the health of the body within it. therefor every cell that touches it can re-embrace or more perfectly calibrate its own health so that the whole body will resonate back into perfect health.
i was contemplating it with a thread like this for a moment - "well, i'm integral in these ways, and not in these ways". then i laughed at myself, because that means that i am not integral, i am fractured. some parts of my own body know their health and perfection, while others don't remember. so we're all in the work together. i am holographic of the universe, as a re you, as are we all. let's dedicate to our own individual health so that we can serve the rememberance of the field back into its original integrity.
pinky swear?
word.
bless.
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