reveal{i}shine

so now i rest into saturn's day with a week full of experience, internal and external, to explore, and my lover is no longer my lover.
there is a strange peace in the immediate dissolution of my trajectory. i sit in the space created, thinking with myself, "mm-hmm. i wonder...". and that is the best thing to do. it is one of these wonder}full moments of being able to rest in the desert and chart the course of reality anew.
i had a plan. now i have options. i had a lover. now i have my whole self (and suitors. the universe loves to keep it spicy). i had a plan. now i have whole new volumes of self-awareness to integrate. life continues to swirl and dance as does the plumage of the cottonwood in this evenings impending storms and their wind. the sweet scent of rain blows freely in every direction, all things kinetic in the brilliant electricity of the desert becoming fertile. it is a beauty profound, this loving eros between the earth and the sky. it moves my tears, my joy, my heart and body to rapture.

new realities to metabolize...

sexuality and relationship - indeed, reality - defy defnition. every kinnexion is a world and a reality unto itself, and every kinnexion invites a new dance with self and other. we all have the condition of attempting to classify for eternity our movements and modalities in the third dimension because it takes energy ( lots of it!) to constantly hold open if the field if that is an active learning curve for you. for some people it's not. for my former lover, that is a natural mode. he does not embrace situational definition. he does get ideas about himself that get fixed where he is still fluid, but he also seems to recognize that relatively soon and shift the concept to embrace the reality. it is one of the more fascinating things about him, and one of the more challenging things about him when one is attempting to cultivate intimacy with him. i've learned, in this past week of process around our polyamorous agreements, that i have had ideas in place about myself that do not match or serve the truth of my being.  i took protocols from other endeavors and attempted to apply them to this one.  of course, they didn't fit.  i have been invited into a re-assessment of my truth through the portal of this struggle.  it's been amazing.  the thing that i am learning more than anything is that there is no fixed structure of reality.  there is no codex that universally applies.  there is only the fluctuation of being and the awesome opportunity that we have to hold the whole spectrum of reality in the vessel of the human experience.
all this week, i hurt. just aching. i would wake up crying, cry during the day, had to process it constantly with myself and whoever was holding space for me, the whole nine. and i didn't want to embrace the simplest and most complex of possible explanations for that - i had an IDEA in place, and i wanted to conform my emotional and spiritual reality into that idea, because i had already decided that that idea was the Right Way To Be. i had already made such a position about it that i felt like i had to own it and not be bothered by anything that my idea said should be okay. the only problem being that i was bothered. super fucking bothered. i hit a threshold after a week where i crossed from being hurt to being pissed off, and made the curious choice to call him from that space. it was unfortunate in the way that i couldn't own what my anger was, and i projected it onto him, trying to find some way that he was wrong. really, i was angry because i'd just been hurting for a week and had shit to show for it - he certainly wasn't here to hold me, and i wasn't being as fully present to my reality as i like to be because of that. i hate that. especially when it's because of a man. fuck all that. so i lashed out at him instead of realizing what was really going on, and he lashed back at me because he felt attacked. totally understandable. and equally interesting. it was fascinating to me to perceive how he responded to me in that moment - he escalated the conflict by throwing out shit that he'd suppressed as deflective ammunition. there were things that had happened that had bothered him, but he'd never addressed, that got thrown at me in that moment. so interesting! his whole thing is clear communication, and so is mine. we both failed our respective principles in that way, because of not acknowledging realities in our beings that didn't fit the ideas that we hold about how we show up in life.
i'm fascinated more than sad at this moment. i had a moment of absolute clarity toward the end of our conversation that there was enough that wasn't in alignment for me in that kinnexion that it was the most reasonable choice to let it go. so we did. there it goes. he made an interesting analogy about a kite in the wind, and that's what it felt like. that's what it still feels like. and while i have felt my sadness, i have no regret, because that feeling is wonderful. i didn't realize how bound i felt until i didn't feel bound anymore. and it's not because of him, it's because i was binding myself into a meme that wasn't genuine for me. my love for him is genuine, my desire for partnership with him was not genuine.  that was a program that got tripped. and that really fascinates me, because that means there was a whole theater going on in my mind that isn't grounded in truth. that's what my real curiosity is - what's going on in my mind that isn't real, and why am i having a hard time seeing it? but now the theater is neutralized and i am sitting in fullness with myself working to dissolve the veils that hang between me and my truth. that's fucking awesome.
it's about my relationship with men, not with him. he's archetypal, and i have work to do. and when the right situation arises for interpersonal engagement to be the way for that work to continue, i will know. check, check - thank you, life, universe and self, for how i'm showing up for my own process. that is much more important to think about than engaging with a third dimensional creature at this point in my journey (though i am grateful for the one that showed up yesterday. yummy). i have more pertinent questions to work with than who's cuddling who.

how do i best continue to fulfill my essential truth in this life journey?

where am i going to do this work?

what does it look like?

who are my allies in this work?

what are the ways in which i engage in the retarding practice of linearalizing expansive reality for the sake of comfort?  

how do i encourage that same retardation in the relationships that i begin?

what are the programs that i'm running and living that have no basis in my personal truth?

these and so much more...

i feel as if i am poised on the event horizon of creation, taut between the infinite and the tangible. i feel the whole birthing of creation sizzling in my veins, a brillinat star fire of freedom and form. i am born anew, again, through the forge of experience.

it never ceases to amaze me that i exist in this dimension with knowledge and relationship of all the other dimensions living in my being.  how does that work?  the veils are so thin, merely sensual play, ever available for pulling aside.  they don't resist - a veil is inherently light.  it's very nature invites it's movement, and the expansion of vision between worlds.

hallelujah!

may it serve....

monsoons

wind and rain rip across the plain coming over the mountain.  the storm, approaching all day, soaks the skin with memories of plenty, ever elusive in our arid home. 

i watch from here in the shelter, fearing cold.  but it is also the ravaging of healing that i fear, knowing that i must be naked and freeze to rest in comfort in the storm.  i know that i can get there, but the getting there is hard, and i am so tired these days...

he who used to be a mentor to me would say, "everything that is worth having must be suffered for".  i used to think that that was extreme and overzealous.  but i know, now, what was meant by that.  one cannot rest fully into divine communion without accessing it through pain and fear, because those are the places where it can truly be rendered from the soul.  bliss is good, but bliss is easy.  it's great to rest in god when you've got everything that you want.  can you be there when you don't?  can you be there when it's loud and dark and cold and scary?  if you can be in it there, then that's where you live. 

it is by walking on glass that one learns not to hurt from pain.  that's liberation.

 

my feet are bare.

may it serve...   

expansion, discomfort and revelation, part 1

the sky breathes vast and blue after three days of rain, wind, cloud and cold. we traversed the dimensions, moved into the mists and became avalon in these days. i have facilitated ceremony for myself, my community, and my tribe this weekend, all the while shuddering beneath the weight of experience as it invites me into my edge and beyond. i am still shuddering beneath this weight, but i will not break, for i am in motion, carrying what is mine to hold with as much grace as i can.
i am becoming power where i had been strength.
i am becoming wisdom where i had been intelligence.
i am morgaine, heiress of the isle, priestess woven between worlds. i am naked, wild, lustful, and starved.  i am feral, ferocious, tender, wounded, raging, glorious, and sorrowful. i am magical womon, thrashed in the waves of experience. i am grateful, suffering, growing.

i am.

the story so far...

when i was nineteen, i grew two inches. it was such a strange experience! i rode a bicycle every day then, so when my legs started to ache, i thought that it was just that one hill in brookline (the one that made me quit smoking cuz i almost puked trying to ride to the top) kicking my ass. but it kept on and spread from my lower legs into my thighs and hips, into my lower back, and i thought something was Wrong. then i realized, one day, putting on pants that had previously dragged in the dirt when i walked, that my legs were longer than they had been. that i had grown. i was really excited! i had been disgruntled at the idea of being 5'8", and had been working to stretch myself to at least 5'9" (you know the way, yeah? standing there with my eyes all squeezed shut, popping myself energetically through the top of my head) actually hoping for six feet, but we didn't get that far. this is the blueprint, and it's perfect.

but what i remember in this moment and for the sake of this thought line is the pain and confusion of growing, i remember the ache in my legs, and the feeling that maybe i wouldn't get through it, that something was damaged or in danger.  and i remember the soothing calm that came after the process was complete and i could rest in the satisfaction of the transformation.

i'm in that process again, with my spirit.

i think a lot about the ways that our natural tendencies are manipulated in social programming to guide us into modes of existence that are constrictive, slavery-based, or useless for transcendent experience and peaceable communion in the third dimension. like the urge to eat sweet foods, or the urge to secure an area of territory for ourselves. the urge to be angry at trespass, or happy with praise. the urge to be embraced as special and unique, which becomes the urge to deeply bond in mating. all of these urges are natural elements of the human (and animal) being that are contorted into ideas like "there must be a dessert at the end of every meal", "i must procure an enormous space for only myself and my family and put barbed wire fences around the whole thing", "i must destroy those who have offended my honor" and so on. it is exceptionally difficult to program people around ideas or energies that are totally alien to them - it is relatively easy to contort the natural tendency into an unnatural expression.

the one that i'm wrestling with in this moment is the mating one.

i am polyamorous, and always have been. polyamory means, literally, "to love many". it is a way of relating that is commonly referred to as "having an open relationship" or something along those lines. there are so many ways to do it, i won't even attempt to summarize. i didn't have that meme to work with until recently, so i've only recently cultivated any sort of grace with the dynamic. and now i am engaged with a polyamorous lover, who is currently engaging in polyamorous experience with a mutual friend of ours.

my goodness, i feel that quite strongly, in quite a few ways. many of them are peaceable, and many of them are not. 

so while i get to have my third dimensional experience of processing this with my lover and my friend, i also get the awesome opportunity to delve deeply into myself through the portal of this discomfort. my emotional response has been varied and dynamic. when he told me what was happening, i had a sinking, crestfallen feeling, tears and weariness, pain. he asked me how it was landing for me and i said in truth, "i don't know. it's so emotional, i don't know how it feels, or why it feels that way." the next day i felt such love for them both and for how i had been cared for and considered, that i expressed that and blessed their journey.  the day after that i went into ceremony with myself, sound healing and deep prayers with my body and my world, and didn't feel anything about it through my mind. then yesterday i felt such heart ache that i cried and yearned to completely withdraw into myself. but i couldn't, as well, because i had a group ritual to help facilitate, and thank the grace of being for it. if i had spent the day feeling like i did when i woke up, i would have been suffering too much to even move through it in any usefull way, and would have been driven towards all sorts of extreme measures to secure the sanctity of my heart, most of which i probably would have had to unravel from a more balanced state of energy. hail, ritual. and now today i got a communication from her, and felt acid in my belly. felt retreat in my heart. i feel wounded.  and loved.  and more.

so what is it in me that is wounded? there is something that exists in me that receives the wound from this scenario, something that is not just triggered by programing.  but i am not clear about what that is yet, and that's the driver of my curiosity.  the essence of truth is difficult to distill from the information load, because what is programmed to be hurt is wrapped around what is actually hurt. what is it in me that is wounded?  i don't feel betrayed or suprised about them.  the human aspect of it all makes sense to me.   i think it is that within me which does yearn towards the essential communion which is wounded.  there is an urge in my being towards the communion that i can completely trust and rest in without guard.  that is natural.  and there is the way that that has been manipulated by social programming so that in a scenario like this, there must be some kind of betrayal, or some kind of wrong doing, or something poisonous.  and that's not natural.  that's not truth.  but it is there with all of it's energy to offer its two cents to the process.  and that kind of voice makes an eclipse of noise.  it takes a lot of patience to sit with it until is loses its power and then be with the more subtle, more complex and more loving truth of what is.  

which is that even if i don't like, i understand it, and no one did anything wrong.  my hurt is my hurt, and only mine.  the choice to be here or move out of it is mine to make, and all of this is an invitation to step beyond my comfort zone into the work of freeing love from the slavery of modern programming.  and who knows, maybe that would free the whole world to love and care about everything enough to save us from species extinction.  i'll go there for that.  hell yeah.

and there's more.  i think also that it touches into every way i have been disrespected, undervalued and tossed aside, all of those unhealed wounds that i don't even realize are still tender until something like this rises to scratch their surfaces again.  the primal wounding of the opening heart.  i've been through a lot, and i've been hurt a lot in my journey.  all of that memory is there to tap when my heart aches, and all of it still cries the primal cry for healing.  that, in itself, is an awesome thing to realize.  i have that much more work to do inside than i understood.  i am so glad to know.

i desire to be seen completely and revered for the magic that i am in this world. that's natural. but the contortion of that is the desire for the severity of it's expression - the idea that my special beauty would be all encompassing, and if it's not, then it's not being appreciated at all.  and i know that that's unnatural, because i don't move in honor of that program at all.  when i am experiencing from the inside out, i honor the individual beauty that is every being, and recognize that there is no such thing as replacing one being with another because we are all so wonderfully different.  every kinnexion answers a different breath that flows through being.  every kinnexion is its own experience.  the difference is that when i'm having the experience, i'm getting what i want.  i'm getting my loving attention.  right now, i'm not.  she's getting the loving attention, and i'm getting to sit in my wanting him and knowing that he's with her. 

that sucks.  that's the hurt.  last week i just wanted to be held.  and there were people here who wanted to hold me, but i didn't want to start stories with them.  i wanted him.  simply.  purely.  and when i finally got to kinnect with him, that was what we talked about.  that he was with her.  whee.  i'm going somewhere else now.

one of the things that polyamory really challenges is the bridging between the transcendent and the terrestrial.  in the transcendent, the divine essence in me sees the divine essence in another and moves towards communion.  that, unto itself, is a purely driven beauty - it is the movement towards source which is one of the highest beauties of this worldly experience.  the catch resides in the fact that we are all traumatized by the radical relational ineptitude that has been forced on us through social and cultural programming.  as soon as two bodies merge, the linear story of each body is activated, and that story is almost always full of hope and fear, unhealed wounds, innocence and ignorance and tender beauty looking for a safe place to exist.  we are conditioned to relate in awesomely unhealthy and completely counter-intuitive ways from the time that we first begin to be domesticated as children.  so through relationship, where we are all looking to heal and be free and be full, we are usually traumatizing ourselves and each other  and usually every step we make into intimate space threatens to take us into shadowy forests where we believe monsters to be.  which is scary, regardless of how high and pure the spirit is.  that terrestrial fear and the desire for safety that it surrounds make transcendent divine communion a very difficult thing to honor with grace.  we get attached.  we get hurt.  we get whatever.  we yearn for more.  i have yet to see it be simple and flowing from inception to completion.  obviously i'm willing to give it the sporting chance to be that way.  

i often remember something i read years ago about an eskimo tribe who holds no bonds of responsibility between lovers.  people love each other as they are moved to, and when a womon becomes pregnant, there is not one father, because she could have conceived through any one of her engagements.  then when the child is born, it has not one mother, it is the child of the tribe, and is raised as the child of the tribe.  everyone is responsible and available to that process.  imagine growing into sexuality in a setting like that.  how different would that be?

i think there is a balance to be held between absolute freedom in tantric expression and commitment to a deeper exploration between people.  from where i'm sitting, that seems to be the way from where i am to what i feel is an honoring of the truth.  i know what i want.  i want a partner who is dedicated to me and to our journey, and for us both to be in our freedom in honor of that primary communion.  i don't know if that can be the way with this being who is catalyzing this process of consideration for me.  we'll see.  but all of my experience with him is helping me to clarify what i do and don't want to experience and spend my energy on, through creating the conditions for me to look more deeply into myself for the sake of awareness and purification.  so it is the good work for now, and i get to drop in ever more deeply with a good sistar and do the miraculous work of healing the wounds amongst womyn.  for this, i am so grateful.

i just don't want to do it like this all the time.

may it serve...

extinction is not inevtiable

my kin are dying.  not only are they dying, they are being slaughtered for nothing.  it is pure hatred.  

why?  what is it in the human mind that so shudders in the eyes of the wolf?  what is it in the human heart that so hardens to the cry of the wild as it is cried through these disappearing lips?  why the hatred?  why the fear?

and how do we change it?  what is the pathway to ensure their survival?

does anyone have any ideas?  can we have an actual conversation about this?

i've asked the world outside myself, i've asked the world inside, and no answer comes other than be.  be the change, be the way, be the truth.  i've been in the monastery these years, and it's been the necessary thing, as i would have crushed my self or the world from where i was.  now i am emerging into a world where the same things are still unfolding, chaos breeding chaos, hatred breeding hatred, love breeding love.  i see this acceleration as an amplification and an expansion, omni-dimensional.  so what arises as the destructive aspect is mirrored in the movement of creation.  there is so much movement as this long-standing (thousands of years!) paradigm of dominion and division shudders itself to pieces in the emergence of it's balance in harmonic resonance, so much movement.  sometimes this can be pain, but when we know it and see it for what it is, for the action of transformation, we can revel in the movement as well as guide what emerges from the shifting.  

transitional times are of the highest potency.  they are the moments wherein all bets are off, for there is no pattern in place.  the interesting thing about transitional times is that because we have a tendency towards stability, we are naturally inclined to hold our breath when the ground is shifting beneath us.  sometimes this is, of course, the very proper thing to do.  but when we are seeking revolutionary change, the transitional moments of the bigger processes in which we are involved (like species extinction) are the perfect moments for minute, decisive action.  if nobody's looking, change the fucking channel!  then when everyone gets back in their center, they'll think that's how it was all along and just go with it, and we can be there to help the subcutaneous shift root with a little deft guidance. 

so what do we do about this wolf situation?  there are 52 lobos left in the wild.

think about that for a moment.  52.  imagine if i said to you, "there are 52 elephants left in the wild".  you'd flip, right?  so rest into that for a moment and think about what it means that there are 52 southwestern wolves left in the wild.  that means that by the end of this year, they could be extinct, because hunting season is on and people are murdering them.  in their homes, with their children.  for no fucking reason.

then let me ask you this: i know that wolves are my kin.  who is your kin?  what would you be willing to give to the animal spirits who guide and hold you so that their bodies continue to exist in this world? i am willing and ready to give my life for theirs, just as i am for my human kin.  but i would honestly say that i am more ready to give it for the animals, because their cries are ignored, and their lives are considered by gunmen as either pests, numbers or games.

but i don't know what to do about this.  i don't know how to make it different.  it hasn't been the time for me to know before.  rainier rilke wrote "live the question, and you will perhaps inadvertently live your way into the answer."  so i am living the question, contemplating what i am willing to sacrifice to intervene on behalf of my animal kin.  but this is not a rhetorical question.  this is an invitation to my human kin who are awakened and caring to draw together to defend this beautiful home of ours from devastation.  not conceptually, but actually  this is an invitation to a conversation, to the conversation of how we can guide this change.  i need support, i need to know that there are others who care, and that we can support each other in the awesome work of living that caring.  and i have lots of support to give, now that i'm out of the monastery!

deepest love and brightest blessings

for the benefit of all creation!

blessed

i am.

we

are. 

the blessed children 

of a mother love so vast

so profound,

 the mind cannot hold it

only the whole being can know it

by melting into it.

i rise this day in the home of one wisdom mother who has entrusted her sanctuary, her animal ally, her whole reality, to my keeping while she journeys in order to nourish the continued presence of all of those things, including me.  the bed is huge, warm and soft, and i think to myself all of the work and wonder that she poured into her reality so that this space could exist, and so that i could come and lay here to heal, to nourish, to appreciate and revel.  rising from this luscious cloud i wrap my body in a robe of black silk across which white birds fly.  then out to the open air, the enormous and brilliant blue sky, the gentle wind blowing across the hills and the sounds of the birds singing songs i've never heard before in the swaying boughs.  bend my knees and my hands rest into the earth, dry, solid and scented beneath me.  i breathe deep, swaying in my own senses, for this is the eminent mother, the skin upon which all kiss and touch rests, the ground from which all love or joy must leap for flight and to which it all returns.  the guide.  the wisdom.  the eternity of grace.  she is she who knows, and i go to her as a servant and a lover, worshiping her subtlety, her awesome brilliance, her ferocity and tenderness.  this morning i learn again of the softness of my feet as i wander the field and flinch, gasping, over goat heads (little tear drop shaped seed pods with two spikes poking from them like horns that will pierce ANYthing) passing the threshold of my skin.  it makes me laugh because she sits there still, her ascending presence that which pushes the thorn into my descending force, an elemental interlude between our relationship of gravity.  elements at play.  

by the nature of her being i learn what it actually means to be womyn, to be wild and free and soft and feral simultaneously.  i learn about presence, i learn about service, i learn about wisdom, intelligence, kinnexion, freedom and bondage.  all things i learn with this earth, and through the communion between her and the sky as it stretches around me.   we have always this opportunity to dive more deeply into the contemplation of creation and delineation as we journey this third dimension , exploring the archetypes that time and experience bring up for us.

what is mother?

what is womyn?

what is the feminine?

it is a difficult knowledge and wisdom to cultivate for ones self, living as we do in a society that has so profoundly cheapened the female that our true nature as incarnate beings is a discovery for us. we are also living in the massive shifting of that energetic, wherein the nature and identity of womyn is just naturally in a state of questioning.  bereft of our initiations, our rites of passage, our circles of ceremony, it is up to us to remember, through a catalyst or through ancestral resonancee, that we have the legacy of all the womyn who have ever passed through this world and the archetype of the divine feminine to rest into, draw strength from, and serve our world through.  and this is not only our heritage to enjoy, it is our responsibility to carry forward through time.  we are, now, in one of the most flexible and dynamic moments in the recorded story of the human experience on earth.  we, as western womyn, are existing in a freedom that has not been experienced by womyn for thousands of years.  even a hundred years ago our grandmothers were beaten and raped for their insistence on the right to vote - they were still wearing incapacitating skirts and collars up to their necks and not being allowed to work outside of the three professions of teacher, nurse, or librarian.  and the miraculous institution of motherhood was still not recognized as valid work in the world (wether or not it is now is a matter for debate, and depends on the parties involved and the setting).  we are living an extremely fresh liberation whose continuance rests on our expanding the field for it's growth.  the mothers that birthed my generation exploded the glass ceiling in the awesome social revolution of the 60's, creating a context for me to be as i am - tattooed, gypsy, independent, outspoken, sexually liberated and actualized, fully IN the world and completely on my terms.  if not for my mother and the women who have done that work, what would my experience be like in this time?  then i travel just barely south of my reality into latin america and i see womyn living a totally different paradigm, and to interact with them is to have both of us gently staring in awe at the other - they see my freedom, and i see either their uncertainty as they shift their status in their cultures, or the fixed trajectory of their experience. 

it's a strange thing, to notice that there is a distinct difference between culture and society (they have culture, we have society working to become culture) - cultures modalities are entrenched, societies modalities are maleable.  we have a society because we are young in our incarnation as a country.  we are the experimental, self-centered, rambunctious teenager of this world, working it all out at everyone else's expense, trying to get our shit figured out before we burn the fucking house down falling asleep with a joint in our hands.  got a good heart, but a frazzled brain and an untried spirit.  and yet, there is beauty in that place of boundlessness, lots of it.  in that awesome experience of creating a country (with all the appropriate amendments about the people who were here before all of us came) womyn had the opportunity to stand up and say "we want something else.  we want freedom.  we want to be who we are.  and that's what we're going to do".  we had the opportunity to fight for ourselves, and since the field wasn't set, the RULES were not set, it wasn't such a huge fight (all things being relative), and we were able to create a space, to create the meme, for ourselves to move out of slavery and subjugation, which is work that continues to this day.  

so i see womyn in these countries where their rolls are entrenched by their culture and while i marvel at the certainty that i see it brings, i recoil at the limitation.  can any of us imagine being an indigenous womon, dressed in the same shirt and skirt as every other womon, making the same kind of art and cooking the same food and creating the same family paradigm and teaching your daughters and sons to hold that line in place ad infinitum?  no travel, no education, no polyamory, no wild dancing all night, no...  whatever.  shorts.  none of what we just live as a matter of course.  no open, bombastic discussion about whatever comes to mind,  probably no choosing your own lover, not choosing your own work, not getting years at a time to explore yourself or opportunities to radically shift course in mid-flight when you decide that dance is more appealing to you than graphic design so you're going to go do that instead and then all the support in your world for that transition.  or whatever!  no piles of books to learn from and wonder over.  no education.  can you imagine?

in these countries i find it interesting as well that the urban reality has created a crucible wherein those rolls are challenged, for the people go from the village to the city to wonder and wander the lanes of possibility, and sometimes they find a way out of that paradigm into what is not certain for them.  they find their way into the body of transition and become the front lines that my mother was in my own country.  and it is an even more radical act because of the nature of culture, and how it holds gender rolls in place.

imagine the life of a womon in the middle east.  covered, silent, owned.  what revolutionaries they are, the creatures who break from that bondage in search of freedom, liberty, passion, life.  imagine the life of a womon in africa.

so let us not forget how miraculous and priviledged we are to be able to exist freely and on our own terms.  how miraculous it is that even though the rest of the world (and parts of this country as well) has different ideas about the place and the way of womyn, the nature of our existence is tolerated because in this society there is a context for us to live this way.  that is an awesome power and an awesome opportunity.  i say that in full acknowledgement of the fact that it should be that way for anyone, regardless of the designation of their bodies, and in full awareness that it has NOT been that way for long - that's what i mean by miraculous.  2 generations ago in this country a womon like me may very well have been dragged into the woods and shot for being a feral, soul-corrupting witch (and even now, in parts of these states, that could happen).  there are not a lot of places in the world where womyn can be who they are and do what they feel. 

how can we best live our freedom so that all of our sistars benefit from it, and it grows exponentially through us for our daughters to live in and for our mothers and grandmothers to celebrate?

let's make that a reality.

don't forget.

don't go back to sleep.

she changes everything she touches and everything she touches changes...

in honor of the potent women in my life, and the ones who have given their everything that i may live my own life.  may everything that i do serve this freedom.

observing

mind me not

for i am but a bird on this bough

set here to sing my song

and learn

from the earth

and creation

of what more there is to sing

by being here, experiencing you,

i hold no part of your story in place

i am not here to reinforce your pattern

but to drink of its essence

which will then emerge from me as a new song

one more sound in a universal melody

and your story will go on into oblivion

as if there had never been a

"me"

"watching" 

"you"

for in truth, there has not been

but our essences

by communing

will be re-woven

into the tapestry of which we are all one thread

to hold the context for what comes next

and the mythology of what has already been.