creatrixter

the walls of this canyon rise all around, holding in the energy of the star kin gathered here as a stone circle might, were it built into the planes of an ancient and sacred place to focus the energy of the ritualists gathered there.  we kinverge on this land from and through the directives of spirit, answering a call heard deep within the cells of times body.  these beings i have encountered over many years, in many places and ways.  all the while meeting more, experiencing more - more immersion, more communion, more reflection and becoming through relation.  

the angel whose voice and love carried me through the time of the searching within death came dancing towards me along the shores of the river serpent, naked and joyous, shining in the brilliant sun of the afternoon and singing my name.  where else would we meet but here?  and that river is a serpent, indeed.  sinewy and sensual, it weaves a green and blue pattern of light sculpted in its depths through this super-charged sliver in the body of the earth.  it carries all these songs to the sea, the prayers of the faithful sung in the voice of devotion to the soul of creation.  we are a galactic gathering of earthling aeons, frolicking in a sun that almost overwhelms the senses.  but it is this overwhelm -coupled with the depth of practices as varied and dynamic as all the various spiritual traditions and innovations of the world in which we, as gypsies,  carve our paths by walking - that so enriches and enlivens the soul that endless streams of music, art, flowetry, healing touch and ever more course through us as the eternal rushing of creations pulse.  we have primed the channels to conduct the kundalini without frying, short circuiting or otherwise missing the mark.  we are target bound with the needlepoint focus of our intensity of desire to restructure the context to suit our content.  

yes, take that in - restructure the context to suit your content.  

we shall adhere to no falsehood or reduction in our manifestation - we are crafted of stars to bring the light of all creation into the crevasses of this earthly moment.  we are tuned with the songs of angels to sing with the hearts of birds.  was there ever a more perfect instrument than me to orchestrate the expression of god and grow a garden in which all the world may dance?  certainly not.  

and you know what's nice?  i'm one of many.

and looking back into the pages of journals and the scent of moments spent before the altar, moments in envisioning my perfect scenario, i have arrived at just what i requested.  oh, yes, i think to myself, this is just what i asked for.  it is actually more than i asked for.  it is the perfect stepping stone, because it arises as that which i want and enjoy with a few parts that i hadn't considered (filter this aspect out, call that aspect in...) to facilitate more in-depth crafting and cultivation of the field.

dedication, my friends.  persistence.  

it's been years that i've been calling in the seat in which i now sit.  and i am almost not ready for it.  i am still a little bit shy.  i am still a little bit too hasty here and too slow there.  but then i know even more that i am in the right place because my lessons are so obviously, so archetypally kinnected and interwoven with the whole unfolding of my lotus journey.  it's all archetype.  i'm a muse, a musician, a performer and an empress, an inspiration and an overwhelm.  i am white buffalo calf woman, kali ma, gaia, ishtar.  i am the archetype of the dynamic feminine, so yearning for the healing of touch while clawing the hand that reaches for me.  it is still this same thing - sit and wait, work the field, tap a line here to watch how the web shivers in the evenings slanting sunlight.  patience, persistence, awareness, action.  it all feels very transient and crucible-hot to me.  many beings, many options, and this is a station.  not the destination.  where am i going, i wonder, as time unfurls around me.  out of the country by the end of the year, this much i know.  to somewhere i've never been in this body.  

if you could craft the world to suit your gift and beauty, how would it look and feel?  guess what?  get on it.

all blessings on your creative process, worldcrafter.  only the best.  

river of eros

my only directive is to sit softly in the seat carved for me from the white stone of heavens cloudy ground and hold my head up and my eyes open and clear as the world crystallizes around me.  an exploration of total responsiveness.  as the blacktop dimension buckles under its own weight and the ripples of an expanding space-time communion show where the level of manipulation had smoothed the ground, i rest in the grace of groundlessness, with no attachments, responsibilities, or directives other than to exist within the field as it exists and answer the call that calls my name.

my name keeps changing, but i know what it feels like when i hear it.

i have nothing to lose.  all that i have has been freely given, shall move through me on its own journey, and shall arise again later as a new form of the same nourishment, and even perhaps as something new altogether.  i have nothing to gain.  all that rises to my touch will fall away again, for i am the field in which all things do this, arise and fall away.  i have only balance, and that is not a thing, it is a life in which i rest my center, contemplating the extension of the field in all directions around me.  to receive, open the hands, palms up.  to offer, open the hands, palms down.  to go inward, turn the hands over onto the knees and close the eyes.  no more, no less, than this.  here is the expression of free-will in harmony.

in these moments, anyway.  a long night of play, ceremony, dance, beings, smoke and sensual promise has brought me to this magnanimous balance, a grace into which i gratefully sink, sipping another glass of coffee, listening to alpha-theta brainwave music to lift this languid energetic from my senses without dispelling it.  no rush to action, i relish the respite from go-do.  not that i have much of that in the first place, but when it's there, it's really there.  i like when it goes and i'm again in this place.  my first name was toby.  to be.  that's all i'm here for, and that's quite a lot.  soft in creation and light in the moment.  all things becoming what they should be in this soft summer place.  the deer creek cleansed me with mountain snow this morning, bringing the dispersed facets of my energetic body back into the same time co-ordinate together.  here we dance still, summer heat gathering over the valley as the hours of linear time roll away into the hills, a strange and elusive creature whose breath i always feel on my back, but whose teeth never sink into my skin.  i don't meyend the presence.  that's erotic, too.  i like erotic.  it's all vision for me.  the water calls me still, and yet there is land that beckons me, "come, rest, worship here.  eros, eros... come to me, to dance, to be..."

yes, beloved.  i'm coming.

but yes, ground, ground.  i am looking for something still.    a hat to keep the sun off my eyes as i work the fields.  fields to work.  bodies to work.  musicians to make love songs with.  immersion, cohesion, the depth of the depths of experience, the radical opalescent brilliance of actual mystical experience as a way of being, and not a moment in passing.  yeeeeesssss, the serpent that crawls into the crystal cave, tail shimmering and the sound of its passage a kind of deep-throated hissing that permeates the pineal from within and expands it beyond the bounds of being into full expression.  that's where i'm at, that's what i want and that's what i'm looking to create.  enough of this solid-world, flat colors, harsh sounds bullshit.  whose idea was the siren, anyway?  we're going back to the council ground and laying the map out again.  we went the wrong way.  

i want eros in creation.  i want passionate madness and pearlescent grace.  

searching, searching...  how did i get into this reality in the first place?  how did i become 3-d, human, gravity bound, physical?  i don't mind, but the veils need to be spread apart now, without medicine and in less than an hour of meditation.  working, working...  that's the goal.  i've seen it, touched it, suckled it, and i'm going to live there.  everything else is child's play.  we are not only children.  i am eternal, the aeon.  i am the beauty of creation, and i am resplendent with universal nectar.

drink deep from the spring of my body and swim in the spring of eternal life.  i am the rowan angel, the immortalitree.  make a tincture of my sap and dance within my skin for the blessing to unlock your own immortality.

yes, i'm serious.  what are you afraid of? 

was there a track there?  perhaps i came off from it.

we'll see.

there are three things i'm set to accomplish.  i need to see wolves in the wild, i need to make love with a ferocious angel, and i need to perform ritual dance and song for ten thousand people.

so mote it be.

polyamory: to love many

such a beautiful gift we have in the presence of this meme, polyamory.  it conceptually and essentially represents the true nature of love, which i shall henceforth consider simultaneously as liberation.

poly} many

amor} love

to love many.

love is care.  time.  presence.  energy.  sex is an endeavor into deepening love.  they are connected, but not inseperable.  to fully embrace the magnitude of sexual union, to fully honor it's magnitude, one must be first and foremost in the essence of love.  if not, what flows through the sexual union is the corruption of the love principle as it resides in the respective partners and their kinnection, instead of the perfection of the principle.  which is all right, if everyone's down to be present with each other to work out their own parts and their inter-related parts.

what i find for myself and for the people of my own experience, is that the degree of vulnerability inherent in that way of communion is challenging for all parties in different ways.  what i see, generally, is that women have a more difficult time with the emotional process that gets instigated for them with the introduction of other lovers into the kinnexion, but they are able to work with their difficulties and be communicative.  men seem to have their emotional difficulties as well, but have a very hard time communicating about it.    

my previous lover ran out of energy for being present with my emotional process and bowed out of the kinnexion.  the lover before that had never explored polyamory before being with me, so he went and explored and decided that that took too much energy (he's naturally monogamous).  before that i had two lovers who could neither deal with, nor articulate their inability to deal with, the whole scenario.  very difficult.  not fun.  messy.

so i contemplate, as i relearn the topography of my inner sanctum, what is it that hurts us in these processes?  of course people are attracted to many people at once, because people are so dynamic, and there are so many ways to engage the human experience.  that, in and of itself is not hurtful.  where the hurt comes from in the inter-relation is the respect with which we hold each other on the journey.  

my desire to be "the special one" is my danger zone.  that's only mine to be accountable for and to work out within me.  relationship triggers that, either supporting and empowering it or challenging it.  it's a bit of my personal work at this time to dismantle the mechanisms of that element, and it's not easy because i am special and i am perceived that way and celebrated.  but it's got to be kept in balance.  my work.  

my desire to be in a kinnexion of mutual respect is natural and reasonable.  that's what i offer to my invitees and only if that invitation is there will i engage with someone.  not to say that i am in complete integrity (indeed, i have to own that i certainly am not), but i am always available for communion with the people that i have invited into my field.  especially if i have invited them into my body.  when someone comes into my body, they are entering my event horizon, the field of me as an aspect of creation, and they are imprinting themselves into my signature, and therefore my whole experience.  that's a big deal.  i expect for that to be respected with continual presence and care.  and if that presence or care falters or disappears, i go kali.  i don't have any patience for that shit.  

and that's where my hurt comes from.

so the respect is the issue.  the roots, always go down to the roots.  whatever arises on the surface and causes response has roots so much more deep as to be nigh unfathomable.  i say nigh because in the presence of silence, stillness and introspection, all things are fathomable.  however, i also believe that we can only see as much as we can process in a moment - what would we do but short out if otherwise?  self-awareness can be...  uncomfortable.  HA!  the best kind of discomfort, it allows one the opportunity to clarify their incarnation and have the best experience possible.  shit, what's more worth it than that?  in all of living, hold the gifts bestowed upon you with the utmost tenderness and attention, especially if you have asked for them.

then i have to expand the meme beyond the concept of the lovers bond.  if i am polyamorous, and i am a world bridging, world crafting, integral part of this whole experience of reality unfolding, do i not have, in that memetic field, the opportunity to love all of creation with that same degree of magnitude?

yes.  yes i do.  and that's a hell of an opportunity.

so i bring animals into my field of polyamory and vow to them to do my part to end their holocaust.  more than a billion animals are tortured and slaughtered every day for food, clothing and various other purposes.  not only in other countries, plenty of it is here.  if you bought it at a restaurant, that's what happened.  if it says "organic" on the package, that's still what happened.  don't let that organic shit fool you - the FDA owns the word and it doesn't mean anything anymore.  seriously - you can use 90% of the available pesticides and other chemicals available for farming and raising animals for slaughter under the auspices of the term "organic".  and codex, the international food safety codification system that essentially declares any food that's not GMO and pesticided to be unsafe for human consumption, isn't even in place yet (check out healthfreedom.org to learn about codex.  it's an important thing to know about).

if you're not raising, hunting or fishing yourself, don't eat it.  you didn't earn it, you don't deserve it, and somebody who is sensitive and defenseless was tortured for it.  blessing your food doesn't alleviate the suffering of how it got to your table.  you know that.  let's all get real.  imagine if the slaughterhouse reality were happening with people inside of them instead of animals - people would be signing petitions, attending rallies, raising cain all over the world.  but we subject our animal kin to the most heinous torture imaginable because... we like ice cream?  not acceptable.  i scold myself along with all of us because we all know better.

so i declare myself the great lover of all the animals of the world and dedicate myself to their liberation.  through word, deed, act, diet and conversession, i will serve them with my polyamory.  because they are the many whom i love.

along with all of us.  so how do i best serve, through expansive, explosive love, my human community?

first, through dedication to my own integrity.  by dedicating to the emergence of the absolutely clear incarnation of my soul essence, i am deeply serving the world from the core of my being.  everything that comes into contact with me can touch into the integral space within itself and rise to that occasion.  not because i am a leader or a teacher, but because every healthy cell in the body holds the health of the body within it.  therefor every cell that touches it can re-embrace or more perfectly calibrate its own health so that the whole body will resonate back into perfect health.

i was contemplating it with a thread like this for a moment - "well, i'm integral in these ways, and not in these ways".  then i laughed at myself, because that means that i am not integral, i am fractured.  some parts of my own body know their health and perfection, while others don't remember.  so we're all in the work together.  i am holographic of the universe, as a re you, as are we all.  let's dedicate to our own individual health so that we can serve the rememberance of the field back into its original integrity.

pinky swear?

word.

bless.

wombafesta

 breathe deeply, move slowly and make every word a blessing. give three times as much to the world as it gives to you. pray in the morning, during the day and in the night. give thanks for everything whilst calibrating the field to reflect your inner vision. nourish your soul with the light of your loves. be in the journey of your soul truth. 

go forth and do your thing.

sigh deeply, summer night

a blue deeply different, crystaline with emerald songs and irridescent cobalt, shines through a quality of water and latitude quite different than the skies of my homeland.  the world is my homeland, again, as i put on the gypsy boots in dress for the bigger ride of the four-wheeled exploration of space time and potential hearthside.  great swathes of my inner world are along with me on this ride, not just the bare minimum of the previously minor institution of me.  the institution has grown.  now, through the generous benefaction of just enough work at just the right moment, my facilities have expanded to accomodate more tricks in my back seat than ever could there have been in my backpack.  everything i would need to make the littlest nesting in the right space has come with me.

i laugh.

following the language of spirit as impulses in my behavior i have wrapped my whole reality in a red crow carpet and flown the security of my little mountain town.  five days on the road, deep desert solitaire to vegas rollercoaster (literally), morning rises on me blanketed in the desert and sun sets on my salty body naked on the san francisco shoreline.  all the while i go with prayers, always prayers.  and laughter.  as each moment unfolds a brilliance brighter than heretofore known glimmering truth, i bow in gratitude and whisper mirthfully, "more".

she has called me here in this moment, and now offers me the gift of choice.  families stretch around me with great wide-open arms inviting my rest on their couches, in their apartments and fields, in the open trust of their loving hearts and the different tapestries of their communities.  i am received so innocently and so completely i raise my eyes to the setting and rising sun in wonder} "what's going on here?".

i was gifted the book, "worldbridger" two months ago by my friend casey whilst undergoing a peculiarly difficult process in my personal purification.  in a moment in which i was searching for a deeper yes than i had previously encountered, the book landed as a complete yes at the cellular level.  i checked the internet for kinnexion opportunities, and there were four ceremonies slated for the time when i was intending to arrive in california in spite of the strange dissolution of my supposed trajectory.  the ceremonies are to reconnect the bio-electro-magnetic circuitry of the human body so that the whole human self can be activated for presence in the incarnate field.

yes, it is perfect sense.

so here i am.  i got here on friday in the aforementioned rain of magical circumstances and in the company of a bright and wild native dark dancer elf named leah.  she gave me her apartment for the days of the weekend, held my heart with the utmost care during our journey across the country and into relationship, and generally loved and wowed me from moment one to forever.  she was sent to me as an emissary of creation to further my journey and bring me into this land in the swddling blanket of sistarhood.  i'd not come here in that company before - i'd always come naked, or with men.  this is a very different initiation.  it brings me into here in the context of peers, family, and community.  men are a narrow lens through which to view a world, if they are how i arrive there.  something in the energetic.  not a big priority to figure that out right now, but on the radar.  friends and kin are a lens on the whole field.

this morning i woke up with grass valleys breeze already blowing across my skin.  this afternoon i arrived here, and i feel the great breath of joy that the place breathes to receive me.  it has called to me so insistently in these last few weeks, this valley (where i am gladly perched on the mountainside, learning the ridges of the distant mountain through the filter of the short oak trees and the golden light of dusk turning pink as the sun moves), and we are glad to feel each other as lovers who have never kissed are glad to finally meet.  the expansive potential of this field is erotic, figuratively flowing into the literal.  the men are already curious, because i am new and i am bright in these days.  the women are open, present, guileless as i have encountered them in their bright open inquiry of my origins.  i am invited, there is no fear.

and of course, i thank my newly earned wisdom principle that is subtly, profoundly at work} observe.  learn something of the season of this place before jumping in.  don't touch anybody till you've met lots of bodies and understand something of how they've touched each other.  don't get starry eyed - it's still a monkey circus.  Ha Ha!  a worthier caution i have never met.    life, i love you.  keep it on.

i look forward to the feeling of this new angle of the sun on my skin.  i have breathed deeply the scent of the mountainside, curious how it changes morning to night, cool air to heat.  there is a signature of water but no water itself in the air, so curiously different from new mexico in this moment, where there is an abundance of water and still such arid charge to the air.  how the environment knows itself and what is experienced in the moment.  the miracle of the remembrance of moments in the experience of the linear time model.  the land remembers its own patterns better than you remember me.  a grander relationship.

arriving empowered and humble, i dance and sing into the evening sky.  she welcomes me, and we fall into passion with each other, for she is the ear crafted just to hear my song, and i am the sound sent just to caress her skin.  

symbiosis.

beloveds.

bless.

canyonlands natural miracle

the long red road goes through utah.

yummy....

more to come

witness me

the funny thing being that i'm sitting in a cafe with the biggest steaming mug of chai beside me, having opted out of a rainy, muddy, monkey-filled rainbow weekend for the last few moments of beauty, serenity and comfort in my beloved home.  aaaaah, that just feels better.

the day after tomorrow, i embark on a spirit driven journey to a destination only physically known - the essence of the engagement is not work on the material plane, it is not community in the relational sense, it is none of the things that one would say, "oh, i am going here for this".  it is a directive that i follow because i want to, and because to not would be to deny the unfolding of destiny, and relegate myself to fate, the difference between destiny and fate being conscious participation.  spirit has spoken through my instincts and impulses clearly in these last moons (or, more to the point, i have finally grokked the fine art of hearing the communications), driving me to innertake, with total equanimity, strange and miraculous processes - buying a car, discording from my lover, burning the body of my beloved cat, packing up my mountain monastery, heading to the valley that held an earlier stage of this awakening by supporting me with just the right ratios of blessing and challenge for my alchemy to be perfect for emergence.  strange ways, these mysterious source forces, mysterious and brilliant.  opening deep and meaningful relationships, the likes of which i have been calling in for moons, only to leave them for this mysterious mission.  hmmmm, spirit - what'choo doin'?  yeah, yeah, of course i'm here, i'm just curious.  but i'm glad not to know.  there is something so deeply profound, so wildly mystical, so ravagingly erotic about being sent out in this way.  my wisdom teachers bless me and remind me of the essence, echoing from external forms internal words of being, knowing and guidance.  

i am held deeply within the cradle of love and the outspread arms of the great mystery as i journey, now potently joyous in this state of being naked in the storm.  this way is my home, my way, my medicine.  fierce, tender, arrogant, humble.  curious.  

so here, i pray.  i have learned much of praying in these years as i have learned to still and deepen my being, to allow grace to flow through me easily and without grasping, to experience the deep subtlety of universal essence as it moves through this vessel.

prayer is loving creation.  prayer is allowing creation to love me.  prayer is involving myself in the unfolding of the journey of the collective in the field.  it is calling upon the deep intimacy between my incarnate self and the source that creates me, directs me and is me as old friends call upon each other, not just in times of need, but in all times.  source is the original relationship, before even the mother.  the essential self must first delineate from source before it can travel the realms of potential to become a spirit, an embryo, a being.  prayer honors the reality that i am source, and that i am voice apart from source, so that we experience each other.

i give myself to what created me, and i create what i am and what this world is.

so witness me...  and in the circle that is cast, pray for yourself, your loves, your world, and then  celebrate

eastern morning, of innocence and new beginnings

southern day, of journeys, growth and learning

western evening, of arrival, completion, reflection

northern night, of rest, root, metabolization of wisdom

father sun, the life giver

mother earth, the life maker

sister moon, witness and regulator

infinite universe, field in which all things arise and flow away

from the center within

where all elements meet and dance

i call out in prayer

i lift my voice to you in gratitude, blessing and wonder

as the aeon, the universal child, i come to you

empowered and humble

wise and innocent

full of being

and empty

i cast for myself a circle in which to continue the holy journey of becoming

this is a circle i have sat often

and we have sat here together

here i know that we are one

and here i know the unique mystery that is this moment of "me"

for this, as for all things, i give thanks.

i come to you, this moment, great mystery, with prayers.

there are things i will ask for.  thank you for hearing me, and knowing me

for being me

and receiving my requests with an open love

may all my motions mirror this magnanimity

first, spirit, i pray for myself.

i pray to unify all that is fragmented in me into it's orignal wholeness

i remember that state in which i arrived, and i know that it is there for me to live in and be in again

i am ready for that.  so, so ready.

i am ready to channel that much energy all the time, and to use it in the way that it is meant to be used

i am ready to be completely accountable to and for my whole energetic reality

i am ready to fully and uncompromisingly arrive for this incarnation as an active member of the unfolding story of humanity on the earth

i am ready to live my destiny

i am ready to be as potent as all the storms of creation, in full view of the whole family of being

so please assist my journey of weaving all of me together again, instantly and for eternity

in the purest and best way

for the benefit of all creation.

i invoke and draw forth from the unmanifest into the manifest plane

a life experience of journeying through the world on the winds of music, ceremony, and dance

a life experience full of performance which is a weaving of ritual, music, dance and eternal wisdom

a life experience of creating the context for divine communion with the gifts of my voice, my dance and my word

i invoke and draw forth from the unmanifest into the manifest plane

the appropriate allies for accomplishing this work

the appropriate support for accomplishing this work

the appropriate energy for this work to be a nourishment for, and an aspect of, the awakening of the whole incarnate family on earth and beyond

third dimensional financial support for the process, ease of manifestation

in the purest and the best way

for the benefit of all creation

i invoke and draw forth from the unmanifest to the manifest plane

a rich ceremonial life

full of beautiful medicines

beautiful songs

beautiful places

beautiful traditions

beautiful kin and allies

beautiful ways and moments

a mentor to share these experience with, someone to reflect with and process with

a good companion to deeply mirror and complement me

a mode that flows easily through me, is clear and powerful and new in being

that i may offer as a garden of beauty in which all the world may dance

in the purest and the best way

for the benefit of all creation

i call forth continual communion with the animal kindred

the ancestors

other dimensional beings and fields of experience 

the deep, wild, subtle wisdom of the earth, sun, moon, and universe

the field of creation

source

 and essential self.

in the purest and the best way

for the benefit of all creation

i invoke and draw forth from the unmanifest into the manifest plane

a human experience of deep, interwoven community

based in, growing from and fostering in the world

honesty, integrity, personal power, transparency, health and wholeness

spirit(uality), divine communion, physical cultivation, wisdom, learning, growth and transcendence.

oh, yeah, and big love.  real love.  open handed, open hearted, love with integrity, respect, grace and beauty.

i invoke and draw forth from the unmanifest into the manifest plane

that in all these human relationships, there be a balance between the energies of the incarnate sexes.  between men and womyn, womyn and womyn, men and men.  

i invoke and draw forth from the unmanifest into the manifest plane

that everyone get over their bullshit behaviors by rising into the inherent perfection of integrity awaiting attention within each of us so that we can do more than process sexual and romantic experience as we journey through this time of ascension together.

in the purest and the best way 

for the benefit of all creation

i invoke and draw forth from the unmanifest into the manifest plane

a continuous open flow of prosperity in my experience

including financial nourishment

raucous laughter on a regular basis 

yummy sensual and erotic experience with emotionally balanced and mature beings of light essence

opportunities for artistic and energetic expression of my essence

opportunities for ever expanding and ever deepening learning on my path

and opportunities for ever deeper immersion in the mystery of being 

in the purest and the best way possible

for the benefit of all creation

mmmmmmmmm....  breathing deep, the ocean flows through...

so much gratitude, creation.  i hear you hearing me.

with deepest, joyous, humble, empowered gratitude i send these prayers out into the field

offering myself in service to creation

eternally

i am in service and devotion

to beauty

the prayers i make for my beloveds i will not speak to the world

those prayers are a gift of trust from them to me

and from me to spirit.

but in this moment, between the self and the world, we pray for those and that which we love immediately - our family and friends, our animal companions, the things which we often touch and are deeply kinnected with.

take this moment to pray for that within your own reality, as a i am now praying for that within mine.

breathe.....

and in this moment, deep mystery, i pray for my world

i draw into my heart all the energy and beauty of creation so that i may know,

in this moment,

that for which i pray.

oh beauty

you dance on the wind as the wings of a great bird in the universe's sky

you dance within me, moving my body and my spirit to rapture and grace

you dance through me, 

inspiring the beholder with that grace, inspiring yourself by moving me

you dance over me

chilling my skin to eros and i revel in the scents carried in your unseen currents

dreams and visions of far-away and very near places

times that i haven't lived and the many-layered moments of my interdimensional self

moments yet to unfold

dear, beloved beauty, i praise you by being you

by knowing you

by seeing, feeling, hearing, tasting and smelling you

devotion.....

yes.  boundless.

so, for the sake of beauty, and to the wisdom of the ages, i pray for this world.

first

so much thanks, deep mystery

for the tide of ascension coming into the shores of experience

through the quickening of the opening and awareness of the conscious self

through the quickening of magic and synchronous moments meant to re-calibrate the field 

from destructive chaos

to nurturing chaos

from madness

into balance and harmony

and for that tide arriving in the wisdom of the new people coming through

the new children are a brilliance to behold

learning, teaching and being at the speed of light.

so much thanks for this, great mystery.  thank you for making me an integral part of this becoming.

great mystery, turn your loving attention to the animal kindred

they are suffering a holocaust at the hands of humans

protect them

make them invisible to hunters guns and arrows,

guide them safely around traps

away from poison

and into the full, radiant glory of their inherent freedom.

hold them in light

great mystery

as they travel through their own trials of these times

ensure their survival

nourish, nurture and protect them. 

and whatever work is mine to do to ensure their wellness,

great mystery, do not hesitate to send me forth on their behalf.

with such infinite love i make this prayer.

so much gratitude for the animal kindred.  hold them in light all}ways.

and great spirit,

please attend to the sick and mutated beings amongst us

who wage war on any scale

who rape other beings

who destroy cultures, peoples and the earth

who live in and perpetuate pain

who dishonor self and other through murderous mentality

attend to their awakening

to their recalibration and purification

that we may all live a life of freedom, beauty and fullness in this world and beyond

in the purest and the best way

for the benefit of all creation

immediately and for all time

with deepest gratitude

and hold the great mother earth in her purest divine light of beauty

with all of her systems intact, even if they go dormant

nourish, nurture and protect her

and all of the life living on and through her

that we may continue to thrive in this most gorgeous temple of creation

in the purest and the best way possible

for the benefit of all creation.

with so much gratitude for the awesome gift of this life, spirit, i send this prayer out into the field.  i love so deeply, so fully, so boundlessly, in these prayers.  hear me, direct me, answer me.  so much gratitude...

breathe......   so deeply, breathe.  call in all that you see in the world and pray for it's purest form to emerge in the field.  give thanks to spirit for hearing you, for hearing me, as you pray.

and then, 

celebrate

AHO! great spirit!

i raise my voice in a song of cantankerous love!

i swirl and dance in the garden of miracles that we have created for all to enjoy.  

the light of the sun, filtered through a powdery cloud, landing on a woodpeckers wing as it hops up the body of the tree, peck, peck, peck, looking for bugs, is beauty almost incapacitating.

morning dew on the sacred grass, birdsong in the dawn, beautiful bodies frolicking in the summer sun, move me to rapture and madness most divine.  the kiss of cold water on sun-soaked skin, the boom of bass and sweaty bodies groovin' under starlit skies, songs sung at sunrise when i can barely keep my eyes open, i've already danced so hard - miracles!  gifts of the most radical caliber of creativity and brilliance!  i am drunk on the magnificence of living, the whole world spun up in my wild song and dance.  god is my playmate!  god is my me!  god is my lover, and we are reunited after a long journey has travelled us both across the seas of learning, and you know how good that's gonna be.  HAHA!

i am mad with love for this life, great spirit!

thank you for flowers

for coffee

for sunrise

for ayahuasca

for hot boys

for mountains and oceans

canyons and meadows

for animals and paint

for music and dancing

for everything 

for all that is this journey

for loving me

for being there for me to love

and for us being one.

so deeply, so fully, so fiercely, i love.  

great spirit

great mystery

great creation,

so deeply so i love

with utter devotion

complete humility

radical gratitude

and infinite openness

i send these prayers into the field

in the name of the light

the life 

and the love

for the benefit of all creation

from the source to the source.

AAAAAAIIIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

angel in the office

the concept that spiritual experience happens in spiritual settings is a crock.  spiritual experience is all that's happening, and we either realize that or not.  as a great character in a book once said, "why not have beauty when we're shitting?  you think spirits not there because your pants are down?  have beauty all the time, honor spirit all the time".

yes, yes...

so it happens, today, that in the insurance office, i have what (if memory serves) is my first incarnate experience with an angel.

angels is not a concept that i relate to very freely.  it's only been in the last few years that i've related to it at all, and it's been an archetypal relationship as opposed to a specific one.  this is the way with me - i don't directly experience gods or goddesses, i don't travel into the pyramids when i'm journeying with transdimensional friends, i don't hear spirit in my head talking in english, none o' that.  i experience pure energy, pure impulse, and every so often it dresses in a dress and feels like something more specific than pure energy.  

so today, sitting in a little room in the blazing hot afternoon of a desert summer day, with the flourescent lights blaring and the air-conditioner plugging up my nose, to experience a full-on, white-light radiant angel was, well...  very natural in a very strange way.

story } 

i went to the state farm office to get insurance on my new car.  i've not done much of this bureaucracy business in my life, having been a dedicated member of the house of fuck-the-system, so i didn't know what they were going to ask about or look for, but i wasn't worried.  i am, however, tight with time for accomplishing rigamarole like this - i leave for a big journey the day after tomorrow.  that's me, too.  lots of things in the last minute, not particularly caring about what the state and the laws have to say about what i'm supposed to do.  i've said to a cop who was asking me why i went over a fence that said "no trespassing", "i'm an animal.  i don't read signs, and i don't follow directions if i don't think they make sense for me.  i wanted to be in there, so that's where i went".  that was an interesting conversation.

but anyway,  there i was sitting in the office with my new friend jeremy the insurance agent who's also a musician and likes my tattoos, when he asks me something about has my license ever been suspended.  "no", i say.  that's not true.  in that moment, without being fully cognizant of it and while i speaking that word, i called on whoever my assisting angel may happen to be to come sit with me and clear the field so that i could easily move forward with my work and my missions.  in a strange tidal type of energetic, as this whole curiosity was unfolding on many different levels, the thought rose to the surface of my mind along with the awareness that that was a different thing for me to do as a presence arrived into my field.  not arrived, materialized.  there's a spot on my back where my energy is always spinning especially fast, as if the center of a chakra were sitting on the surface.  as the call went out and the contemplation came with it, a soft internal touch began to emanate in that place.  it was simultaneously warm and cool, solid and etheric, and it felt like the impression of a hand, but it wasn't a hand that was there - it was the impression of a hand because that's how i would be able to relate to the sensation.  it was a golden energetic blooming in my back, a deep soothing presence of radiant light.

she grew from there, weaving herself in light from the touch of that hand, till she sat there next to me.  with my eyes soft and pointed forward, i could completely see her in my inner eye.  beautiful, smiling, long and beyond space with her form, the seeing her was an internal experience.  i contemplated for a moment, "is this my imagination?" and the answer emanated that there is no difference between imagination and reality.  imagination is the internal experience of all of the different dimensions of reality.  imagination is a reality-crafting tool.  i turned in her direction with the intention of seeing her, and my yearning faded her presence.  the touch lessened, and i couldn't see anything.  but when i looked forward again, softened my eyes and rested into the expanding moment, she was there as a complete sensory experience.  her huge wings, so over-plumed that their feathers were more a principle of flight than a mechanism, radiated out from her body, and then our body, filling the physical room and then bending the dimensions of the room to continue expanding.  have you ever felt that?  that radiant stillness of universal expansion?  it feels like the essential hum of being, flowing like starlight from nowhere to nowhere.  all sound became muffled, the voice of jeremy far away from my body but completely present in my sensory experience, still asking questions which my form answered while my essence sat in the field of this being.  she felt like michie, the essence of michie coming in this new form to guide the flow of the river for a moment so that i would be free in my motions.  she moved the moments for us, smiling a soundless smile, speaking to me me in unheard wisdoms sent through my cells.  

and then, just as easily as she had come to the moment, she went from it.  and there i was, signing a paper for my insurance while breathing regular breath again.

we "concluded our business" in the ordinary way, and i went outside to my bike with the arid white hum of her visit around me.  it didn't register for a moment, that "something had happened".  it didn't register for over an hour, actually.  and then it was a slow realization.  that is remarkable unto itself, that it felt so completely natural to have an angel hold space for me in an insurance office.  now i leap and whirl in the beauty of it, wondering and marveling at the beauty of it.  it makes me so much more curious about my journey to california and the nature of the destiny unfolding before me.  i've done a lot of praying in my life, done a lot of ceremony, been in a lot of hairy situations and sacred spots, and i've never experienced an angel like that before.  

awakening happens in the most strange and wonderful places.  

so much of my life has been hiding, has been resistance and polarization, has been refusal.  i arrived here into this reality with a brilliant array of talents and beauties, and i've fought with myself and everything else about bringing them forward into manifest expression.  polarization is a good word for it - i've pushed away what i've drawn in.  a very frustrating way to exist.  

i decided recently that i am done with that way.  and for the first time, i completely mean it.  there's a depth of conviction, a depth of shifting in the decision of that moment, that has allowed for my whole reality to shift.  it is as personally monumental as the melting of the ice caps that dries the tropics and soaks the deserts.  it is a fundamental shift in the attenuation of the being in its and to its experience in manifest reality.  that shift allows for whole new realms of being to rise and fall as the tides of creations ocean.  it allows for tangible experiences of transdimensional realities beyond the scope of whatever i've experienced before.  it allows for angels in the insurance office, and owls flying in front of my car on the night that my cat left the earth to tell me that she was in good hands and good guidance on her journey through space to her own place in the continuum.  it allows for specific premonitions and dreams full of messages.  it allows for "leaping empty handed into the void" because my whole inner self says "yes" in a new way and i have no ground in rationality for what i am doing, but no fear.  all this because i know that i am not just resting in the great mystery, i am the Great Mystery.  and my pledge to honor, serve, love and represent it in this life has become true in the way that that can actually be what is.  

beyond the idea into the being.

so i get called to buy a car, pack up my sanctuary and roll out to california.  i set it all in motion.  a book comes into my hands and i look for the ceremonies on line, find them, talk to the facilitator, and sign up for them with the completely fearless certainty that they will affect the whole tone of my reality and all plans are tides that flow in and out.  only ceremony and fulfilling the essence matter now.  everything else will be revealed through that journey.  no attachments, no worries.

something more that i've realized, or something that i've realized more deeply} up until now, i have experienced the world and reality predominantly through a mode of resistance and polarization.  not solely, but predominantly.  so i've formulated my value system and my worldview based on the information gathered through this lens.  but in this moment, my roots have shifted.  i don't know anything now, because what i could say about what i know or feel is based on a perspective that i'm not moving through.  my whole ground of being has shifted, and i am, in this moment, as the aeon.  i am the universal child, infused with the wisdom of the ages whilst completely innocent.

i am free from the past, and free from the future.  i am infused into the moment and the moment into me.

freedom is an internal reality that then arises in your external experience.  just like everything else.  we are truly creating reality every moment because we experience, inform the field, then experience and inform the field, and we have been doing this since we came and before.  we are the creators and that which is created.  this is not an idea.  it's a fact.

so call on angels in the office, allies on the mountain, guidance through the grocery store to the chance encounter that will change your trajectory forever.  mysticism is not something that happens somewhere - it is what is, only awaiting your awareness.

thank you creation

bless